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How to Prepare For a New Puppy </DIV>
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Pour apple juice on the carpet in several places and walk around barefoot in the dark.
Wear a sock to work that has had the toes shredded by a blender.
Set your alarm clock to go off every two hours, set the volume on high, then wake up (for good) two hours ahead of time & stand outside in the rain and dark saying, "Be a good puppy, go potty - hurry up - come on, go potty!"
Cover all your best suits with dog hair. Dark suits must use white hair, and light suits must use dark hair.
Invite business partners (or your Mother-in-law) over for an elaborate dinner, make sure to sprinkle dinner with dog hair.
Add dog hair to your first cup of coffee in the morning.
Play "catch" with a wet tennis ball.
Run out in the snow in your bare feet to close the gate.
Tip over a basket of clean laundry, scatter clothing all over the floor.
Leave your underwear on the living room floor, because that's where the dog will drag it anyway. (Especially when you have company.)
Jump out of your chair shortly before the end of your favorite TV program and run to the door shouting, "No no! Do that OUTSIDE!" Consequently, miss the end of the program.
Put chocolate pudding on the carpet in the morning, and don't try to clean it up until you return from work that evening.
Gouge the leg of the dinning room table several times with a screwdriver - it's going to get chewed on anyway. Matter of fact, take a good whack at the outside of your house, especially the corners, move on to the inside of the house and take a few whacks at the baseboards, and make sure to make a good sized hole in your bathroom whitewall. If you want TRUE authenticity, cut all the electrical cords...you know...phone, tv, stereo etc.
Shred books, toilet tissue rolls, and important papers, dont forget to take all the stuffing out of blankets and throw it around the house too.
Once youve done that, take a warm and cuddly blanket out of the dryer and immediately wrap it around yourself. This is the feeling you will get when your new puppy falls asleep on your lap, and you realize its ALL worth it!</DIV></DIV></DIV>
<DIV =Section1>
<DIV>
How to Prepare For a New Puppy </DIV>
<DIV>
<DIV>
Pour apple juice on the carpet in several places and walk around barefoot in the dark.
Wear a sock to work that has had the toes shredded by a blender.
Set your alarm clock to go off every two hours, set the volume on high, then wake up (for good) two hours ahead of time & stand outside in the rain and dark saying, "Be a good puppy, go potty - hurry up - come on, go potty!"
Cover all your best suits with dog hair. Dark suits must use white hair, and light suits must use dark hair.
Invite business partners (or your Mother-in-law) over for an elaborate dinner, make sure to sprinkle dinner with dog hair.
Add dog hair to your first cup of coffee in the morning.
Play "catch" with a wet tennis ball.
Run out in the snow in your bare feet to close the gate.
Tip over a basket of clean laundry, scatter clothing all over the floor.
Leave your underwear on the living room floor, because that's where the dog will drag it anyway. (Especially when you have company.)
Jump out of your chair shortly before the end of your favorite TV program and run to the door shouting, "No no! Do that OUTSIDE!" Consequently, miss the end of the program.
Put chocolate pudding on the carpet in the morning, and don't try to clean it up until you return from work that evening.
Gouge the leg of the dinning room table several times with a screwdriver - it's going to get chewed on anyway. Matter of fact, take a good whack at the outside of your house, especially the corners, move on to the inside of the house and take a few whacks at the baseboards, and make sure to make a good sized hole in your bathroom whitewall. If you want TRUE authenticity, cut all the electrical cords...you know...phone, tv, stereo etc.
Shred books, toilet tissue rolls, and important papers, dont forget to take all the stuffing out of blankets and throw it around the house too.
Once youve done that, take a warm and cuddly blanket out of the dryer and immediately wrap it around yourself. This is the feeling you will get when your new puppy falls asleep on your lap, and you realize its ALL worth it!</DIV></DIV></DIV>
